GOORZA
Nasrin Madani
Translated By:Dr .Ali Reza Jafari
I'm used to the dark. I have no
lamp, no light, and no candles. The bricks of their houses have not been
properly fixed with mortar; lizards and other vermin come out from the holes
between the bricks. They come out looking for prey or for a bit of fresh air.
My house is some distance from the village. It is near the mountains, made of
good thatch, no mortar work. I'm afraid of lizards. Once a lizard landed on my
hand when I was carrying a sack of flour for Beman Ali. When I opened the door
it fel! on my hand..I screamed and screamed. Beman Ali came and punched me in
the head with both hands. He raised his head towards the sky and said: "O
God, look how everything is upside down! I asked why? He said: "The lizard
should be afraid of you not you of it".
I really would like to have one of
these names: Yadollah, Beman AIi, Sha'ban, Ghazanfar, Ghooch AIi, but when
Toranj Banoo calls my name like that I wouldn't change it for the world.
Ghazanfar doesn't like his name, especially when accompanied by his nickname.
Then he blushes, with his hackles up like a fighting cock. I like his name and
his nickname and I so wish they were all mine.
Last year my feet went blue from cold.
They were all swollen up. I had to go to the other side of the pass. Bibi was
there. In the village there. I got her to Toranj Banoo's bedside on time. I was
keen to see the baby drop into the Khesht2.They closed the door. As
soon as I heard the baby cry I danced so much that everyone gathered around me
clapping their hands and singing in one voice: "Goorza, Goorza, Goorza,
Goorza. I came down with fever that
lasted a few days. Beman Ali says: "You have the longevity of death".
Ghazanfar had promised to take me to
town with him. The first time he was back from town he had combed his hair to
one side and, with hair gel - he himself said hair gel - he had straightened
his hair. The hairs of the village people are all spiky. His trousers had wide
legs and his belt had a buckle - he himself said buckle - this big. The village
kids followed him shouting "Ghazan the zany". He was livid. He chased
the kids and they all skedaddled. He cast a look on every side. I was at hand !
was burning espand3 for him and he boxed me in the ear. The espand
burner slipped through my hand and I myself landed on the dust. It looks as if
a grape from Mashadi Goli's vineyard had stuck in my throat that day. He went
to the tea house and had two teas, and I went and sat at the foot of the wa!1.
The coals died and so did their light when I buried them in the earth.
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1- The word literally means born in the grave.
2-A structure made of brick and thatch into which babies
would slide at the moment of birth, used decades ago in Iran
3-An aromatic mix of dried leaves and herbs
burned by Iranians for its nice smell and also for fending off evi1.
Esfand and
sepand are variant spellings.
He came out of the tea house and
grabbed my hand and said: "I would give the world not to be called that.
You've never called me that. Whenever I go to town you bring me the Korn and
throw water after me4. When I'm back you burn espand for me. You're
good Goorza, the only thing bad about you is that unlike others you do not
follow me shouting…."
I said: "You're better than
me. You're not stupid like Mashadi Ramezan's mule that never stops eating
Noori's grass. You bring Noori material from town. You bring her cosmetics from
town. You make Noori happy. You make her laugh all the time".
Ghazanfar took me to town. Town
women are faceless on obituary notices. As soon as Ghazanfar finished reading
"Hajiyeh5 Aliyeh Saboori, daughter of Mohammad AIi, is gone to
meet her Maker", I asked why doesn't she have a face? He said: "When
women die they paint them without a face".
The town can accommodate a hundred
villages. It has a thousand kinds of women. There are no obituary notices in villages.
Women are not painted without faces in villages. Villages have women like
Toranj Banoo whose tummy fills and empties every year. The town has no Toranj
Banoo. Town women's hairs are the colour of amber like the hay in the village.
Toranj Banoo finds it hard to
breathe when her tummy is big with child. Toranj Banoo has a face as beautiful
as the sunshine. Cheeks like the pomegranate-coloured threads that she weaves,
knot by knot, into the Shah Abbasi design. Toranj Banoo was used to calling me
Goori. Toranj Banoo has given birth five times and she makes a fuss, sweats,
and breathes heavily and slowly each time she is up the duff. Toranj Banoo says
Goori very softly even when her breathing is heavy and slow. She says Goori
very lightly. When Toranj Banoo is feeding Gol Banoo, she lets me see her but
when Ghazanfar is walking past she covers her breasts with her scarf. Toranj
Banoo pushes back two long plaits of hair and takes her breasts out of her
flower-designed shirt. Toranj Banoo smells of milk. She smells of fresh furnace
bread. She smells of cow dung, of the fresh, and ever-alive flower designs on
the carpet weaving-frame, flower designs that do not keep dying when Toranj
Banoo weaves row after row. The gazelles in Taranj Banoo's carpet are not
scared. They drink water, and the image of the wolf is not reflected in the
stream that ever runs, rain or no.
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4- An old tradition in Iran
5-A female person who has been to Haj.
Toranj Banao guards their
cattle, Toranj Banoo looks after them, as much as she looks after me and she
gives me furnace-hot bread not mindful of her husband's beatings when he sees
her do this and I crawl into a corner and roll the bread into mouthfuls and it
does not go down my throat easily and Mash Ghol's grapes get stuck in my throat
again and when Toranj Banoo says: "My husband has no job don't wish a
curse on him. He is the father of five. I regard you as a lucky omen". I
gaze at her face one cheek is so red from furnace heat not,from the warmth of
her husband's big hand. Once when her husband was beating her with her two
plaits going this way and that way I went rotating and rotating this way and that
way with them. Toranj Banoo's hands are blessed when she gives me bread my
hunger is satisfied even if I haven't had anything for two days.
I like Gol banoo very much she will be
as tall as me in a year or two. It will take her years though to mentally grow
like the grown-ups. I wish she would grow in height and not in mind. If she
does, she will not play with me like the other village kids. She will throw stones
at me and say: "parasite!".She will say: "mother-killed" If
I had not brought Bibi from over the other side of the village should she God
forbid God forbid grow up would they call her "parasite"? would they
call her "mother-killer"?
Beman Ali says sometimes when you suddenly enter the house I'm
scared like I am looking at the Angel of Death. Beman Ali says you are like
death.
He is right I am so near them they
cannot see. They talk about me as if I were the pustule round the eye of their
ass. I'm everywhere in the tea house at the wind mill on the land on the
mountain. I am always at their side but it is like I am not there at all.
Toranj Banoo's tummy is big again
but this time she drags her feet so I really feel for her. She smiled when I
said to her: "You haven't been weaving a few days, the Shah Abbasi designs
want your hands". She said: "How carefree and happy you are
Goori". I said: "my happiness is always tied to you Toranj
Banoo". Her eyes became limpid like big pomegranate-coloured grapes. It
looked like she was choking. She said: "look after Gal Banoo. I had a
dream. I swear you on the Martyr of Karbala
Toranj Banoo ran her hands on my
bald head the way she runs her hands on the gazelles in the rugs and talks to
them. She kissed both my muck-filled eyes. She swore me.
*****
I brought an alam. I would put the kotals6 wherever they
told me. I swept the floor and everything. Everyone is wearing black. I didn't
have a black shirt. No one loaned me theirs. I picked grapes for Mash Gholi
several days and I got lizards all over me. Mash Gholi has promised to give me
a black shirt. They've brought a horse. Beman Ali is wearing red7?
He is wearing an iron helmet and is holding an iron sword in his hand. I go
toward Mash Gholi Mash Gholi is reclining on his poshti8. "Mash
Gholi give me the shirt that you have promised".
Mash Gholi plays with his rosary
beads turns to Naghd Ali and says: "Send the parasite away". I say:
"Mashdi give me the promised shirt". Mashdi turns to Naghd Ali:
"Don't let me see him around the cauldrons the offerings for the Martyr of
Karbala9 should not be desacralised". 1 say: "Mashdi I
swear on Imam Hossein's head I won't show up won't show up at the Tekiyeh10.
Now give me the shirt. A man is a man if he keeps his promises". Mashdi
went blue in the face and threw the beads at my face. The beads covered my face
as well as the Shah Abbasi designs on the rugs.
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6- Both alams
and kotals are metal and wooden structures with certain detaiIs and decorations
used mainly in mourning rituals and ceremonies.
7 -The red colour symbolises the enemies of
Imam Hossein, the third Imam of the Shia moslems.
8-A luxury cushion of rug with sponge, cloth
or other material for filling.
9- A reference to Imam Hossein.
10 -The traditional venue for mourning the
martyrdom of Imam Hossein.
They say tomorrow is Imam's
martyrdom day. A big pomegranate-coloured grape has burst in my throat and it
is coming out in big drops from my eyes. Tonight also like the past three or
four nights the sound of cymbals is heard and the sound of drums. I had made
this religious vow to wear a black shirt black like Toranj Banoo's eyes. How
cold it is. It is snowing tonight and the snowflakes are like Mashdi's beads
that resemble pomegranate seeds.
It is the day Imam was Martyred.
I keep hearing in my ears the swords clashing. I am bringing Bibi just be
patient Banoo. My legs are letting me down they refuse to come. I wish I could
wear a black shirt and like others rub mud on my head and shoulders, and beat
on my head and breast and ask for a new lease of life for Toranj Banoo. It just
didn't work. I keep remembering you dragging your feet on the ground.
"Goorza dear come, a little
more and we are there".
"You go Bibi. You go".
My eyes can make out the outline
of the village from afar. The sound of cymbais is in my ears the sound of
Goorza's voice. When people said Goorza I danced. Goorza. Goorza. Goorza drowns
in the sound of the cymbals and the drums and I beat on my head and my breast
so pomegranate-coloured drops land on the snow and Bibi becomes a speck as she
goes farther and farther. I have to see Toranj Banoo. My feet are numb I feel
sleepy. Sleep...
I manage to get to Toranj Banoo's door why haven't they closed the
door? So I can see how the baby drops into the khesht. I who was born in the
grave. Oh Toranj Banoo Toranj Banoo….you said you had a dream. You said...
I decided to wear a black shirt. I kept sweeping the yard of the
tekiyeh. I kept moving the alams and the kotals about. Look how sore my
shoulders are from their weight...wake up Toranj Banoo why has Bibi wrapped you
up in white sheets? Bibi why are you silent?
"To paradise will Goorza go,
to paradise will a mother who dies in labour go to paradise.
"No Bibi Toranj Banoo will merge into the Shah Abbasis come...come
look she will go and meet the gazelles that keep drinking water and that keep
being not scared".
I'm cold Bibi and the sound of the drums is in my ears just like the
cry of the baby...I'm cold Bibi I sleep Bibi I sleep to get some rest. Rest.
*****
"Mashdi Gholi where shall we bury her?"
*****
"Mashdi Gholi where shall we bury her?"
"Does she deserve a burial? Just throw her in her own backroom
and let her rot there. Ah God thank you.
"By the Mashdi Goorza died as quietly as he came into this
world.
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